Peace through suffering

The small group I attend at church has just finished a series by John Ortberg called The Life You've Always Wanted. Our last study was entitled 'Doing the distance with a well-ordered heart'. I felt compelled to write something on my blog about it, mainly because this blog is a kind of journal for me. There were a couple of scriptures that I don't want to forget about, so I figured this would be a good way for me to remember them, and come back to them periodically.

The scriptures were:

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. --James 1:2-4

And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. --Romans 5:2-5

When I first read these, my thoughts were along the lines of, "Are you crazy? How can suffering be a good thing?!". But then, as I reflected on some of my past experiences I realised that the times of greatest spiritual growth for me was when I was suffering in some way. For example, I experienced depression during 2001. This was my first year of marriage, so I had experienced a lot of change in my life (moving out from my parent's place etc), plus I was studying Honours in that year which was quite stressful. So a big part of that year felt quite dark to me ... well, not all of it, but certainly the part that was blanketed by depression. Thankfully I had an amazing husband who guided me through and was a rock for me. But I also drew closer to God in that time ... which included me whining to Him, "Why is this happening? I don't get it ... lift this blanket of depression from me!!". Oh, and there were plenty of tears. I must have cried rivers during that time. I did slowly come out of that depression with the help of a psychologist. I also came out of that time closer to God. I felt renewed in my faith.

Another time of heart-ache for me was the journey for us to conceive a child (you can read about that in one of my very first blogs). It took us close to 2 years to become pregnant and it was a very turbulent time for me. I think I went through lots of stages with God regarding that situation. There were times I'd be angry at him, and other times I'd whine at him, and yet others where I would stand in hope. That journey took me on a roller-coaster ride with God, but toward the end (just before I became pregnant) I arrived at a state of peace and contentment - with whatever the future held. I wasn't delusional and thinking to myself "God will enable me to become pregnant soon", rather I was thinking "ok God, where do you want me? What do you want of my life? I trust you, even if it means I can't have kids".

Now I suppose I have to add a little statement here, because I have no idea who reads my blogs. I'm simply reflecting on my own experiences here and making sense of the scriptures as I read them. Other people go through - what you may term "worse" - experiences, but hey, suffering is suffering. I'm still young, and no doubt there will be other types of suffering that I will go through during my lifetime.

Anyway, the above scriptures are a source of strength, and for me at least, they provide some explanation as to the purpose of suffering and how I may try to approach trials as they crop up in life. I have drawn much strength also from the ladies in my small group who have been through awful times - being diagnosed with cancer (and now in remission, yay!), and one lady whose husband died of cancer, yet she remains strong in her faith. This faith in God is not a way for us to cope with the bad stuff that happens in life (you know, one of those arguments atheists use to make Christians look stupid - how we invent God to get through tough times). Rubbish to that. But that's a whole other blog.

I don't believe God zaps us and brings upon our suffering. I don't believe God "caused" my seeming infertility or depression. But what I do believe, is that God doesn't waste an opportunity to grow our character through these times.

Yep, I guess life is kind of like a box of chocolates ... we never know what we're gonna get, but we can choose how we respond. I choose faith. I choose hope, joy, peace. I choose God.