Part 1 - Our pregnancy and birth story

Ok, for those of you who are interested, here is my reflection on our journey of pregnancy and giving birth to Wesley .... I had to split it into three parts as it was a lengthy journey to start with. Oh, and a warning to you blokes - this post (and Parts 2 and 3) includes specific information about 'cycles' and the birth which I am quite happy for you to read about, so it's not THAT personal, but in case you don't want to know that information then best not to read on!). I decided to write this blog because I wanted to share our experience with those who wish to know - a real life account of the journey to become parents that started out quite stressful but ended in a healthy pregnancy and the blessing of new life.

Part 1: Pre-pregnancy

Our journey began around October 2004 when we first decided that we would like to start having children (and thus stopped taking the pill). Quite a few months passed and we became pregnant in April 2005 but miscarried (quite early on, about 4-5 weeks ). Quite a depressing time. As the months ticked by with no pregnancy I became more and more distressed and convinced myself that something was wrong. Adding to my anxiety was that many of our friends were becoming pregnant (seemingly easily) and it felt like we would never have a child. All around me I saw pregnant women and babies! Ahhh! James was very level-headed throughout this time and was my rock. I was the emotional one, and James was patient and kept giving me pep-talks to keep me sane.

Late 2006 we decided to take up an opportunity to live and work in Los Angeles (James' work) for 12 months, feeling that it would be a unique experience and, for me at least, get away from all those babies and try to relax! It also coincided with the completion of my PhD, so it was a good time to flee the country and have some fun. So in December 2006 we boarded a flight to LA and looked forward to a year living in Manhattan Beach, California.

In the midst of having a great time over there, making new friends and spending time shopping and lazing by the beach, I was reading anything I could get my hands on regarding fertility. I came across a great book, that to this day I endorse, called Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler (Quill Publishers, 2002). In addition to taking on board the principles in the book (in short, using the software included with the book to chart my cycles properly) I sought advice from an obstetrician. We organised a time for me to have a procedure done - basically to check that my fallopian tubes weren't blocked. So I booked the procedure and waited for my period to start so I could begin taking the anti-biotics in preparation.

I should backtrack slightly here, to a couple of months beforehand when James and I had a trip home to Melbourne for my PhD graduation. During that time I sought prayer from a few ladies at church. As that prayer time went on it came up that I was dealing with fear. A fear of not getting pregnant. An unreasonable fear that had been in my mind from the beginning and for no apparent reason. After realising that family members in the past had been involved with Freemasonry we prayed against any spiritual binds that may have been at work due to that association. So I took care of things spiritually. I had lots of 'chats' with God and sought His peace and direction (as I had done the whole journey through). That's why I finally decided to see an obstetrician to make sure there weren't any physical reasons for our seeming infertility. Anyway, here's part of what I wrote in my journal around the time before my hospital procedure:

July 7th 2006
Today I had a revelation. I was talking to Cynthia [our friend and landlord] and I believe God spoke through her in a few areas of my life. It was an encouraging and revealing conversation for us both in areas of our lives. On my part, these revelations centred on the issue of having a baby. I have been confused as to why it's taking so long to conceive, fearful, sad etc. Revelations: Trust God. This is about the only situation where God can teach me to trust Him! Many other things I can figure out for myself. I need to trust Him for the reasons it's happening and how it fits into His plan for my life. For some reason, unknown to me presently, we are not meant to have a child. Not Yet. Things to do. That can happen, but later. I believe this, as in hindsight I am happy that we do not presently have a child, but I would love one someday. It's the uncertainty and doubt that has crept in and got me worried ("we haven't yet, so what makes me think I will ever have a child?"). Crazy talk. I need to trust God's plan for my life. Some thoughts re: purpose ... We will have children to continue ministry and the line of believers in our family .. It is God's will that we are in LA (wouldn't have been here if we had a child). I need to look beyond myself to God's bigger plan (e.g. relationships I will form with new mums when I do have a baby). I need to be praying in obedience. Deep down I believe we will have children.

I remember that day. I felt at peace - the most I had for quite some time. I felt released from the stronghold of fear that had gripped me for so long.

Anyway, a few weeks after I wrote the above journal entry, 'that time of the month' appeared to be immenent as I had some light cramping. My heart sank yet again. But the day came and went and a night passed with no period. It was a Friday, exactly one week before my hospital procedure, and I had lots of work to do that day (for my research job where I worked from home). I decided to use the pregnancy test (that had been sitting in my drawer for months) so that I could see that it was negative and get on with my day. After doing what I needed to do, I placed the stick on the bathroom shelf and went to check the time on the microwave in the kitchen to "time" the test. On my way back to the study I peeked into the bathroom at the stick and it had turned POSITIVE straight away!! I just stared at it. Eyes and mouth WIDE open. "No way. No way. NO WAY!!!!". Tears filled my eyes and I needed to sit down. Within an hour or so I took a second test just to make sure. Yep, that was positive too. Yay! Thank you God!

Instead of ringing James at work like a mad-woman, I decided to tell him after work. After all, he got to decide when and how to propose to me when we got engaged ... this was MY time to pop some long-awaited news to him! So after I picked up James from work we wandered down to the Manhattan Beach Pier and it was there that I told James he was going to be a Daddy! And his first words ...."Oh, thank goodness!".

(So, it took us until mid-2007 to conceive, that is 18 'cycles', or nearly 2 years. If only I knew that it would eventually happen - that knowledge would have saved me a lot of stress and tears!).